I'm back!!

La la la la. I’m back. With my happy song “la la la la (pause) la la la la”… I wonder if anyone’s even going to be reading this because my blog has been officially declared by many as DEAD. And as I stare at this dead blog, fond memories flood my mind about the lovely days this blog had seen with many many comments from fellow bloggers as well as friends whom I would hold at gun point to read the nonsense I wrote. Some friends would read ad leave spiteful, rude remarks on my blog….but since it’s a part of my personality to be rude, and being born as a thick skinned buffalo, I brushed aside the rude remarks. Bu those days were fun as well. Now my blog lies unattended, gathering dust and sick comments by anti social elements, rusting, rotting and dying an inglorious death.

So why have I not blogged for so long?
For starters, I didn’t bother blogging simply because I was engrossed in writing a little too much. And writing some really really strange things. I, divya nair, one day, a couple of years ago decided that studying abroad would be ahappy idea. Litlle did I know the amount I would have to suffer because of that random thought that floated in on some idle Thursday afternoon. Because every application that I sent demanded a terrible thing they like to call te ‘STATEMENT OF PURPOSE’ which is my opinion is a complete waste for someone as aimless and shameless as me. So there I was, battling sop’s and listing things like my favourite colour, my mother’s date of birth, my brother’s shirt size, favourite books, food in addition to why I want to study journalism in their university in the U.K/U.S. And as if all this torture wasn’t enough, I had to run from pillar to post begging people for reference letters. So in all this, I had little time to blog.

I hope to blog more this year…but then that’s also subject to whether people still read my blog or not…I know. I cheap and cheri.

Now time for a riddle.
what's the difference between a fly and a mosquito??
a mosquito can fly but fly cant mosquito!! haha!!

an ode to the fancy phone.

So we go to Git's party and nina excitedly starts clicking pictures of people there. With her fancy-shmancy phone ofcourse...she kept showing off..until people got annoyed. Anyways, the next day i asked her to send me the pics and she sent them. I opened them to find dark, reddish-black horrible ghost like images, supposedly pics of us. So git and i are not amused. I believe that this happened because nina's phone was dead for few days after it fell off when nina fell down. So after it came alive, it decided t punish nina and not take nice pictures. nina of course lives in denial. she says the pictures were bad because of poor lighting. WHATEVER!
ok so in the midst of this discussion bout the phone, git's whips up an ode to nina's phone. So here goes...one of the best pieces of impromptu writing...

An ode to nina's fancy phone-by Gitanjali Raman

"you came into our lives and sang us songs
you went with nina far and beyond
but when nina dropped you down
you died and now take pictures like kakka brown
at first you were dark and slick
but now your pictures make us sick
you still play ninas (mostly) cheri songs
but when i see your snaps i think i need to smoke a bong
true kaiwan gave her you
and when she sees you she wants to coo
so did we at first when we saw
post your near death i think you should go hee haw
yes divya pays no attention to this ode
although she claims that she is bored
but i feel for you as i write these words
you were once quite glorious but now absurd
peace be with you dear phone of ninas
you will sing and sing like mynahs
your soul is in cell phone paradise
though your body is stuck in ninas pants backside"
amen

Now don't you think that's amazing....i do!

15 reasons why I love being a girl

1. I can wear fuchsia pink whenever and however I want. and no..guys are NOT supposed to wear pink...And definitely not hot pink.
2. I can drive the way I want to on the road and be pardoned.
3. Lip gloss!
4....And shoes and bags and happy clothes of course! (as shallow as it may sound)
5.mehendi ceremonies
6.actually even golu..because I've been getting some great food lately!
7.separate queues at theatres.
8.the fact that I can smile/cry my way through a lotta tough situations in life
9.in case of accidents, public will always be on my side.
10.special treatment by virtue of gender that includes being pampered.
11.having guy friends who are protective..esp at theatre...it feels damn good...
12.secrets..gossip..and non stop talking.
13.my tiny diamond studded nose ring(stud actually)
I can slime out of mundane things like cooking by pretending to be busy with work and saying things like "I don't know how to cook and don't find the need to as of now"...I also have the option of sliming out of work by saying things like "my mum's outta town so I was engaged in domestic chores like cooking and cleaning the house"...MUAHAHAHAHA..I'm soo evil!
15.because we're capable of appreciating smaller and finer aspects of life and not just some football game.

I'm not saying it's a bed of roses all the day but being a girl is soo much fun! I wouldn't wanna be a guy in a million years..it isn't possible for me to put in writing why I love being a girl..but that's just the way it is...

Poverty-the commodity of the day

With 24 Hr news channels mushrooming by the day, news goes on. Death takes first place when in comes to sensationalising and catching attention. Sometimes it's Rakhi Sawant instead of death and gore, but news had become predictable. Depressing, boring and sometimes even obscene. And i firmly believe that there isn't enough news to feed 24hr news channels. So that leads to a whole host of other issues such as an entire hour dedicated to what's happenning in the different Ekta Kapoor dramas, or another hour wasted on why Shahrukh Khan's house was burgled or the like....there's one channel that has an anchor who looks perenially hysterically happy and goes into all the night clubs of bombay and gushes into the camera about how sunny deol decided to celebrate his friend's birthday...i mean is she under the impression that sunny deol or his kith and kin are of any consequence or importance to us?
But anyways, the point i was trying to make was something else..and i rambled on instead as always..sorry...
I saw a story on one of the channels which talks about 'Slum Tourism' in bombay....and I was really shocked. Some imbecile of a man acts as a guide and takes even more riduculous firangs into Dharavi and shows off the inhuman conditions of the biggest slum in he world. It's sick. Selling poverty! is poverty a commodity to sell!! WTF is happening to the world around us? Slum tourism? And those idiot foreigners in their barely there clothes chirp into the camera "well yes, the conditions are really bad and there's such a lot of poverty to be witnessed..but what's amazing is the amount of labour that's involved in the slum and the number of people who manage to live here" Really? That's news to me!And i wouldn't have ever figured it out hadn't mr firang and his girl friend who're busy touring poverty sticken india told me...I shall remain indebted to them forever..
Sheesh...i didn't expect things to get so bad...or maybe i'm just over reacting..i don't know..but I'm really mad after seeing this. Hence this rude post.
But i can't help thinking. Slum Tourism now. What next?

Civilization of man...really?

As civilized as we claim to be as a race, there are certain times when I want to run around the city screaming out “we’re super barbaric.” And believe me, anyone who’s ever had the (mis)fortune of visiting a beauty parlour with the sole purpose of getting yourself waxed, will agree with me.
Firstly, a trip to the parlour means a helluva lot of entertainment. Besides seeing women covered in creams of various colours with cucumber(!) on their eyes, you also get to hear the most hilariously pseudo conversations about how their dog is suffering from PMS or how their daughter is India’s greatest sailing champion or about their brother-in-law with some fancy-shmancy name, visiting them from some Belgium brought them diamonds. And if you decided to ignore these entertaining conversations and read instead, then the only reading material you’ll ever get is some femina/cosmopolitan/women’s era/ or the like, that will undoubtedly succeed in making you feel uglier than ever before.
Ok so brave all this nonsense and decide to go into the parlour anyways. Then comes the barbaric aspect I was talking about. It’s a known fact that women go to great lengths to look good, but I think waxing takes the cake. Here’s how it goes. Wax is heated..yes heated so it becomes hot and gooey and sicky. Then they take a butter knife and spread it over your arms, legs, etc( I don’t wanna go into details). Then finally, they take a strip of plastic, put it over the hot wax and then rip it off!! Aaaaaaah!! Take my word, it isn’t even remotely adventurous to wax! Every single time I go to wax, I wish that women’s lib reigned supreme and I didn’t have to do it ever…but no..I find myself in the same place over and over…sadly.
And then there are also other barbaric acts that happen all the time at the parlour. Threading of eyebrows, slapping and whacking people ruthlessly in the name of massage, plucking blackheads and other things mercilessly, colouring/straightening/perming which eventually leads to baldness…well the list goes on and on.
But there’s one thing that beats all this, and very, very few women actually have the courage to go through it…it’s called a Brazilian wax…and it undoubtedly takes the cake…I’d rather not think or write about it..
I feel bad and there’s nothing else I can do other than writing a blog and sharing my woes. But one thing’s for sure: if not man, the women at the parlour are sure uncivilized.

From filter kaapi to Ivy League

A dedication to Lakshmi, Gitanjali, Varsha, Kaushik, and all the other tam Brahms I know…

Disclaimer: This is entirely my view on Tamil Brahmins. They’re fondly referred to as tam brams and I’ve used the same for convenience. If you are the type who’ll feel sad that I’m giving them all the attention and not your community, then please go away. This is exclusively about tam brams. I do not welcome rude comments that may wage regional wars.

I don’t know if I sound like prude, but I’m very clannish. I vociferously argue for the sake of mallus (ok I know mallus’s aren’t a small community or downtrodden, but I still fight for them)…I’m all for mallu land and mallus. But if there was any single community of people I’d actually be totally at home with other than mallus, it would just have to be the delightful ‘tam-brams’
I’ve had tons of friends who’re tam brams, and there are some things about them that I totally love. For starters, they’re one of the smartest communities in the entire country, and when I say smart, I mean they’re academically super brilliant. Half my life I’ve spent competing with these guys at various levels: academics, music, oratorical events, writing..I mean they’re good at everything! It’s almost unfair! As a rule, almost every tam bram finishes school with flying colours and gets into some super college. But it doesn’t end with that. They’ll apply to some 10 universities abroad (read America), get accepted into all 10 of which 5 will be part of the ivy league. Then they’ll live in america, dutifully come back to madras, marry a nice, homely, boy/ponnu and go ’back home’ to america. The minimum qualification for a tam bram is PhD. Period. But the best part if all is that despite their academic brilliance, they also find time to go for paatu/dance classes. If it’s not one of these two, then they learn to play an instrument, the violin being a popular choice, with Mridangum and Veena closely following. Otherwise they’ll excel in theatre, or art or the like. I think it comes to them naturally…by birth.
And it’s also possible to carry out a sensible conversation with them about anything under the sun. They’re nice, non-aggressive and loads of fun to be with. Besides, their filter coffee is without doubt, the greatest contribution to mankind, not to mention a host of other mouth watering delicacies.
And after intense debate, discussions, thought and study I’ve realised the secret of their success: thayir saadam and oorga.
But one thing’s for sure: if I don’t marry a mallu, I’l surely marry a tam bram *blush blush*, and if I don’t, and end up having kids with my mallu husband, I’ll undoubtedly stuff my baby with thayir saadam right from day one…
All hail tam brams
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On a different note, I seem to be losing my readers. For obvious reasons I guess. And I’m feeling quite bad about it… so all of you reading this…please comment!! Otherwise I’ll be forced to shut shop! *sniff*

To pee or not to pee

This post is inspired by Sush, and is a topic I feel strongly about. Read at your own risk.

For the 12 longs years that I lasted in school, I don’t remember a single day when I haven’t come back home with a bladder that’s almost burst. I could never get myself to pee in the school loos, and every day, without fail would charge into my house like a hurricane, hurl my bag at whoever opened the door and run into the loo like one mad person….bad times they were I tell you!! And unfortunately things haven’t changed even now. I can’t get myself to use the loos at college and hence suffer greatly due to my obsession with clean loos…and I always assume that public toilets by default are TERRIBLE to say the least. I also hate ads that show the sickest of toilets!! Chee!! How can someone show how terribly they maintain their toilets on TV? No brains and shame or what? And they display it so proudly and as if they’ve never heard of a concept called Harpic for all the years they’ve lived on this planet. Forget aids awareness, people should be given toilet awareness. Distribute free Harpic instead of condoms and save the planet!! It ought to be made a national issue.
And all you men out there…the road is not a free for all loo. So spare us the sickening sight.